I need to start being happy again, because my boyfriend is getting sick of dealing with me.
But how can I tell him, that I’ve been sick of dealing with myself since this all started, years ago?
I’ll write about something less depressing tomorrow. It’s 2 AM. I need to meditate, and then I need to sleep.
First day of spring break
A whole, big bag of chips
2 hard boiled eggs
chicken strips from A&W.
I’m never eating this much again.
Tomorrow, I am fasting.
Ugh.
I’m so sick of having nervous breakdowns every week.
Why is it that I find it inexplicably impossible to like myself?
Doing good so far
Yesterday I had a complete freak out, and only got up to around 800 cals all together. Today, though, I’m about 1000! I actually ate 3 meals today, which is the first time in years.
One part of me wants to only have 200 calories tomorrow, the part that is scared that I’ll actually gain weight from this. It’s nerve racking, even though I lost a pound yesterday. I’m currently at 175, which is what my starting point would have been if it weren’t for last week’s stress binge. It’s fine, though, I can do it.
In aerobics today, we did a weight-lifting video. Yeah, I’m sore. But I love stretching my back, arms, shoulders and chest so it feels so great. I’d do more work with weights if I had any. D:
Tonight’s deal for workouts: 50-100 jumping jacks, 200 crunches, 200 reverse crunches, 50 sit ups, 200 inner thighs, 200 outer thighs, 5-10 minutes running in place, 15 pushups, 50 releves, 200 plies.
Thank the gods spring break is coming up- I could use the sleep.
Self-analyzing
Why is it that people seem to spend so much time on analyzing themselves?
My boyfriend spends a lot of time wondering if he is weird, or why he does something. I spend a lot of time thinking about why I hate myself, what I hate about myself.
But really, shouldn’t we spend less time trying to understand ourselves? We are ourselves, and if we didn’t supress that so much, try to hide the true us, maybe we’d have more free time. Maybe we’d be less depressed and introverted.
Hey! :D
Hey there, everyone, my name is Anii. I turned 18 on March 28th.
I’ve been a Pagan for most of my life, though for a few years I had to hide it. Now, however, I’m out of the broom closet!
But, there is one thing I still keep secret about myself- that I’ve had an eating disorder for a long time.
I was recently discussing this with the deities in my life, and I saw many signs that pointed to them wishing for me to be healthy again- perhaps it’s rather, healthy for the first time ever. And so that’s my goal.
It’s weird, though, seeing as I am still overweight despite the disorder. I’m still trying to lose weight, but I want to be loving to my body too. It is a sacred thing in the physical world.
And so that’s why I started this blog! I’ve found that blogs always helped me be strong in my disorder, and so I’m hoping it will help me in being healthy.
